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Sat, Aug. 28th, 2004, 12:06 am
angsting_fender:


XKaylaFyrX [10:19 PM]:
  So,  Mark had gone on a grocery run because the two were out of it, and god knows that were the shopping left up to Roger they would have starved by now. Oh well. Lack of sleep and steep stiars? did NOT make for a healthy combination and so a loud curse was given before Mark made his way up the rest of the stairs, stumbling in, putting the grocerys into the fridge and collapsing on the couch. Oi.
Nancy boy girl [10:25 PM]:  Yeah, okay. So that was true. But it wasn't his fault! He had a lot on his mind! Roger was sitting in his room on the bed, Fender in his lap. He wasn't exactly playing it, it was more just.. sitting there. He heard Mark come in, and that was when he decided to pick up his guitar. Picking out a few notes he sighed, shaking his head. Eventually, as he almost always did, Roger began to pick out Musetta's Waltz. God, life was miserable.
 XKaylaFyrX [10:29 PM]:  Yes, life was miserable....and Mark felt like he would go insane if he was forced to hear Musetta's Waltz again...but the things we put up with for love...damnit! He had told himself he was over the musician...but obviously, he wasn't...getting up and hobbling to the other's room, Mark knocked on the door. "Rog, d'you want something to eat?"
Nancy boy girl [10:33 PM]:  Over the sound of the out-of-tune guitar, Roger either didn't hear him or pretended not to. He didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. Not just Mark, just.. people in general. And he certainly didn't want to eat. Eating required the use of precious energy and currently all his energy was going into brooding over how absolutely awful his life was. Because it really was. No one's life could possibly worse. No one's. He was dying, damnit. What could be worse than that?
 XKaylaFyrX [10:35 PM]:  Oh...you know...being ignored by the one you love, having been raped trying to find said guy, being dead emotionally, finding every time you try to help you get brushed aside and then when you don't help you get yelled at...lots of things...but Mark wasn't one to brood. Sighed some as he went and made  a sandwich adn went back to Roger's room to see if the door was unlocked adn such.
Nancy boy girl [10:39 PM]:  Well, the door was unlocked, so obviously he secretly wanted company. Because when he was in of his 'no, seriously. go away, I want to die' moods, he locked the door. He always ended up unlocking it, but only for Mark and only after all of their friends had been called.. he really wasn't an attention seeker. I promise. He picked out a few more random chords and it actually souded like it was coming into a song, but then it turned into Musetta's Waltz again.
 XKaylaFyrX [10:40 PM]:  Yes...of course Roger wasn't an attention seeker...oh well, finding the door unlocked, Mark walked into the room closing the door and looked to his best friend. "Fixed you a sandwich..." such a married couple...oh well, they're cute
Nancy boy girl [10:44 PM]:  Roger pretended that he wasn't going to look up and just kept playing, fixing expression of anguish on his face. But eventually, he looked up at Mark and the sandwich, but then back down again, mumbling, "'Mnot hungry." He was, but he didn't feel like eating.
 XKaylaFyrX [10:45 PM]:  "Roger...when was the last time  you ate?" Stepped forward. "You may not feel hungry, but that's just the depression, and your body actually needs the food" Yes...Mark knows all...gotta love mother hen mothers....and having serious issues as a kid
Nancy boy girl [11:15 PM]:  "... I don't.. know, I'm not hungry." He glared up at Mark through the few pieces of hair long enough to fall into his eyes. "Fine." Roger practically hissed through his teeth. It was hard to neglect your health and nutrition when Mark was standing over you taking care of you. Part of him was grateful and love Mark for it, but another part of him resented him for it. The days he just wanted to wither and die were the ones Mark chose to step in and take care of him.
XKaylaFyrX [11:16 PM]:  Yeah, but we all know that Roger would love him in the end and get over the small fact that Mark was currently forcing him to eat. Handed over the plate ot the pissy Roger.
Nancy boy girl [11:22 PM]:  He grabbed the plate roughly and lifted the the sandwich to him mouth. Mouth opened the smallest bit and he took a small bite and chewed slowy. "There. I'm eating. Happy?" Glareglowerglare. The sandwich wobbled slightly with his hand's tremors, but he ignored them and took another tiny bit, still glaring. It did taste pretty good, though.
XKaylaFyrX [11:23 PM]:  "I'd rather you eat willingly, but for now, yes, I am" Poor Mark, he'd let everyone walk all over him if they had the chance which they usually do.
Nancy boy girl [11:33 PM]:  Bah. He was actually enjoying the taste of the sandwich. But he was only able to take very small bites. Truthfully, it had probably been weeks since his last real meal that consisted of more than a handful of Cap'n Crunch. "Good. I'm glad at least you're happy." Glaaare. Glare of dooom. Willingly eat? Roger! Ha! That was laughable. The red plaid pants that had been sexilly snug in his party days practically fell indecently off of his bony hips now.
 XKaylaFyrX [11:34 PM]:  And Mark was good  enough not to look "I'm happy you're at least making an effort...that's far from happy, Rog..." Shook his head some...Maureen always said that Roger would be the death of him...most likely would as well...le sigh.
Nancy boy girl [11:38 PM]:  Ugh. "I'm so sorry, Marky. I forgot how miserable your life is." Roger rolled his eyes and took another shaky bite. His three bites were probably the equivalent of one of someone else's bites, but he put the sandwich back on the plate and set the plate aside. He also put his Fender back on its stand and folded his hands in his lap with a sigh.
 XKaylaFyrX [11:40 PM]:  Just stayed calm...Roger wouldn't know how miserable Mark's life was since he never bothered to ask or anything...oh well. Mark shook his head. "As if you even know what's going on in my life" There, he actually said it..amazing
Nancy boy girl [11:42 PM]:  Oh no they were not going into this. He heaved another sigh, brow furrowing. "Well, it's not like you ever say anything to me." Not that he would ask, but he might listen if Mark ever said something. Maybe. Perhaps. Okay, so he'd probably change the subject. But maybe he'd listen!
 XKaylaFyrX [12:02 AM]:  Shook his head "Forget it." Walked out of the room and to the living room to work on editing his film. He was tired and such and honestly didn't feel like dealing with Roger...how odd
Nancy boy girl [12:10 AM]:  "No. You're not gonna come in here and start shit with me then leave like you always do. That's fucking bullshit." He climbed off the bed and followed him into the living room, tugging at the top of his favourite plaid pants (which were slipping). Hands on his hips, he stared Mark down. "Because then you're gonna play it off like 'Oh.. Roger's in one of his moods again, I'd better clear out. But before I leave, I'm gonna quip at him and stir him up and then play it off like it's just him.' That's bullshit,
Nancy boy girl [12:11 AM]:  Marky. You wanna talk about your life? Fine. Let's talk." Another glare and he plopped onto the floor and stared at him, waiting for him to say something.
 XKaylaFyrX [12:12 AM]:  Well...he got him out of his room at least? Yes, Mark...look at the brightside..tinkering with his camera. "You think it's a picnic trying to make you look after yourself? You think that you're the only one with problems? Right, Rog...the reason I don't talk to you about what's happened to me is because I want you to be able to heal, and then when you act as though you're the only one with fucking problems..." Shook his head in frustration.
Nancy boy girl [12:21 AM]:  That.. just about pissed him off. "Then don't fucking do it! Nobody's asking you to 'make me look after myself.' If I wanted to be taken care of, I would take care of myself! And I don't act like I'm the only one with problems. My problems just happen to be a little bit more serious than 'Oh no. My girlfriend's cheating on me. With girls too! Oh no.' Mine are more along the lines of 'Oh no. My girlfriend just fucking killed herself. But luckily she left me something to remember her by.' Because she did, Mar
Nancy boy girl [12:22 AM]:  k. And lucky me. That's how I get to remember her. I don't get to remember the fun stuff. I get to remember that she's the reason I'm dying. But it must be nice to have an easy life like mine and not a hard one like yours."
 XKaylaFyrX [12:31 AM]:  Blue hues narrowed as he stood up. "Maureen is the least of my problems...and why I continue to try and help you? Who knows...I must be fucking insane to actually still care! Yes, I'm sorry April fucking killed herself, and yes it fucking sucks that you're dying, but there's a lot more out there than you'll be seeing because you need to sit in woe. You wouldn't even notice if I were  to stop..except that you probably wouldn't even eat!"
Nancy boy girl [12:40 AM]:  So, Mark did care. Not that it shouldn't have been painfully obvious. "I'm sorry that I'm not exactly the most chipper, ready-for-life person in the world. Jesus, Mark. How do you expect me to be? Tell me. Tell me how I'm supposed to react to all of this. How would you handle it, O God of Emotional Detatchment? Not tell anyone how you felt. Act like everything is perfectly fine." It wasn't a question, really. He was sure that's how Mark would handle it. "Well, you want me to care about your problems? Want m
Nancy boy girl [12:43 AM]:  e to listen and have a symbiosis? And god forbid we talk... like friends do." He paused. "Like we used to." Another pregnant pause in which Roger looked at the floor and then at Mark. "Then, damnit, Mark, you've got to open up once in awhile and not just busy yourself with taking care of me to avoid dealing with your shit. Because that's why you do it, isn't it?"
XKaylaFyrX [12:45 AM]:  Heh...because it's how he's dealing with all the shit he's gone through already....oh well. Roger hit a chord in him...they used to talk...all the time...about everything...than April and Maraureen came along..the two best friends who got with two best friends..and now look at them. "Why don't we talk anymore....because I';ve arleady realized you wouldn't care anymore" Looked up at him..."You won't notice if I come in here broken and hurt." And it was true...Mark had done just that..and not so much as a
XKaylaFyrX [12:46 AM]:  fucking blink.
Nancy boy girl [12:53 AM]:  Roger frowned. "That's not true.." It was rather half-hearted and lacked conviction, but he didn't want it to be true. He knew that it probably was, and he actually felt bad. Because he still really cared about Mark, in spite of the things he said. But Mark was the only one who saw through his facade. The only one who actually knew him. Whether it was because he was the only one who bothered or because he was just observant Roger wasn't sure. Either way. "I care.. I just.. April.. and the heroin.. and I jus
Nancy boy girl [12:55 AM]:  t.. don't know." He shook his head. "I didn't mean for it to end up like this. With us, I mean. God, look at us. We can't be in the same room for five minutes without being able to choke on the tension. It's stupid. I'm sorry." Yes, he really did actually just apologize. Even he was shocked.
XKaylaFyrX [12:57 AM]:  So was Mark..."It's alright...you've gone through a lot, and I don't want to burden you with anything else...I wish things were like they used to be...but there's no real way it can be...is there? So much has happened in too short a time....we've grown...no matter how often we tried to deny it" I won't grow up...I don't wanna wear a tie..or a serious expression..in the middle of July
Nancy boy girl [1:01 AM]:  If growing up means it would be.. beneath my dignity to climb a tree.. I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow uuup. Not me. Roger stood closer and placed a finger to Mark's lips. "Don't say that, Wendy. We don't have to grow up." Oh no. Roger felt one of his rare moods coming on. One of his.. rare good moods where he did spontaneous stuff. These moods were extremely few and far between, but they were literally what he lived for. He grabbed Mark's hand and pulled him over to the window and opened it.
Nancy boy girl [1:04 AM]:  After he climbed out onto the fire escape, he grinned at Mark. Not a really true grin, mind you.. but he could pretend. He motioned for Mark to join him in the freezing cold night air, forgetting for a while that he was shirtless and would probably catch a cold. Which was bad when your immune system was fucked. But no worries. Mark would probably remind him. "Come on. Come with me to Neverland. It'll be fun." See, this is how Roger got out of trouble and messy situations when he had nowhere to run to. When
Nancy boy girl [1:05 AM]:  all else fails, be silly and charming. He offered his hand to Mark. "Come on!"
 XKaylaFyrX [1:06 AM]:  "I don't know, Peter...I fear I've forgotten how to fly" luckily Mark thought a head and grabbed a blanket to give to the poor sick man as he climbed out the window and looked around at the city. He missed these times...he missed their random Peter Pan references that made them feel young again, took them to an age before April and Maureen adn everything that came becuase of it.
Nancy boy girl [1:11 AM]:  Roger missed it most of all. Because most days he didn't have the will to crawl out of bed, much less relive his youth. God, it sounded like he was a feeble old 70-something year old. Reliving his youth. Well, he almost considered everything before April childhood. This was how he validated calling everything he had felt and partially still felt for and about Mark 'puppy love' or whatever. He thought it was childish. "I'll teach you." He took the blanket and wrapped it first around himself and then just sat
Nancy boy girl [1:13 AM]:  a moment before crawling closer to Mark and wrapping the blanket as well as his arms around him. He sighed as he put his chin on Mark's shoulder, sitting with his back against the building and his legs on either side of his friend. Ah, nostalgia. "I miss this." It was almost a hoarse whisper. He really did miss this. A lot.
 XKaylaFyrX [1:24 AM]:  Mark knew it wasn't simple puppy love...for that would have gone away by now...especially for Mark...after everything he'd done and gone through for or because of Roger, that were it to be simple puppy love, it owuld be gone. But Mark knew better, and just had to accept it, despite his fear. "I miss this too..." He leaned against Roger and stared out at the city lights, willing himself to forget.
Nancy boy girl [1:32 AM]:  Somewhere deep down, Roger knew that too. But it was just so much easier to pretend. He wrapped his arms a little tighter around him and gave a tiny, involuntary shiver. Regardless, he nuzzled affectionately against Mark's cheek, closing his eyes. "The city seems so much.. nicer from here. Everything does." Yeah.. Mark was Roger's rose-coloured glasses, so to speak, when it came to stuff like this. He just made everything so much more pleasant than it was.
 XKaylaFyrX [1:33 AM]:  Mark closed his eyes if only to fight the tears that threatened because he knew that Roger wouldn't admit that this meant more to him. "It really does, Rog...it really does...." Mark could hope Roger would notice, but he was too stubborn...at least Mark did some good?
Nancy boy girl [1:42 AM]:  For once, he was able to forget all the bad stuff. If not forget, he could push it to the back of his mind for the time being. "Mm.." Roger let out a tiny sigh of contentment and buried his face in Mark's neck, taking a deep breath. Ahh, Markscent. Best smell ever. He gave him another loving nuzzle and even a tiny, sorta-kiss to the nape of his neck. Pulling the blanket tighter around them, Roger smiled secretly against Mark's skin. But it was just that-- a secret smile. His secret.
 XKaylaFyrX [1:44 AM]:  That made Mark smile, something he would cherish adn remember for when Roger went back to  being all mopey and such. It was one peculiar passing moment...
Nancy boy girl [1:47 AM]:  Oh, if life were only moments, then you'd never know you'd had one. He was freezing. He really was. But then, he didn't want to go in. It would ruin their moment. And probably his mood. He knew just what would happen. Mark would go back to his camera and he would go shut himself in the room with his guitar. He'd pretend to be working on His Song for a bit, end up playing Musetta's Waltz a few hundred times. Eventually, he'd get depressed by his song writer's block and just go to bed and then Mark would make
Nancy boy girl [1:49 AM]:  sure he was asleep, take some nyquill and go to bed. And Mark probably thought Roger didn't notice stupid stuff like that. Roger noticed a lot. Not as much as Mark... but the difference between them was that Mark soaked it all up like a sponge. Roger chose to ignore most of it.
XKaylaFyrX [1:50 AM]:  Pretty much so...and that was one of his reasons for going to the store...NyQuil...it was his friend and made it so he could sleep through the night. Everyone loves the night because it so pretty, he hates the night because it's harder to hide from yourself then.
Nancy boy girl [1:55 AM]:  Ha. Speaking of addictions, Roger tilted his face so his mouth was right by Mark's ear and dropped the volume of his voice so Mark could only just hear him. "You didn't happen to grab me a pack of smokes, did you? I still have a couple, I was just wondering whether I could smoke one when I got back in or if I should save it til I really need it."
XKaylaFyrX [1:56 AM]:  Ha..didnt Roger know that cigarettes will give him cancer? But meh, didn't feel like arguing about it. "I didn't know you were low so I didn't buy any..sorry...next trip I make, I'll be sure to get you some"
Nancy boy girl [2:03 AM]:  "It's alright. I'll live." Ironic. That from the same man always complaining about how he was dying. Oh well. "I've still got a few.." He closed his eyes again and got comfortable. Another breath of Markscent and he curled closer.
 XKaylaFyrX [2:05 AM]:  Go figure, Mark was content to let this last as long as it could....times like this, when he felt he could tell roger what had happened without worrying about the reprecausions, but he wouldn't...for that one thing would shatter their lovely neverland.
Nancy boy girl [2:10 AM]:  Roger gave another sigh of contentment. He actually felt that he could fall asleep right here. Just like this. Hell, he would be content to die right then. Because at the moment, he was content, bordering on happy and it was.. one of the only moments he could remember feeling that way since April. Come to think of it, the only times since April that he'd felt like this were with Mark. Moments just like these, usually after a fight. After fights, Roger just wanted to just run. Run and never go back. But he d
Nancy boy girl [2:12 AM]:  idn't anymore. Because he was afraid he'd run into The Man. And he really was trying to quit still, so that was bad. Either that or he was afraid that he wouldn't go back. And the thought of leaving Mark there like that hurt him. Because Mark would never do that to him. Actually, there were a lot of things that Mark would never do to him and some of them Roger did. And he hated himself for it. But he felt like.. if he didn't say the things he did to Mark, he would have killed himself a long time ago. Mark w
Nancy boy girl [2:13 AM]:  as his life support.
 XKaylaFyrX [2:14 AM]:  Just lovely..Mark was someone's reason for living...it was a good thing to be, but it could burden a person down so much becuase you're afriad to say something to break them.  But deep down, Mark knew this...and the man...Mark would go in saerch of Roger and find the monster from his dreams. 
Nancy boy girl [2:21 AM]:  They should go inside. Roger was freezing, even through the blanket. Shivering, even. But he kept his teeth clamped over his lower lip, hoping that it would quell his lack of heat. But honestly, he didn't want this to have to end. Because he was happy. And when else did he get to be happy? Eventually, his mere lack of heat slowly began to turn into trembling shivers. He clung tighter to Mark, hoping it would warm him up enough to make it stop, but to no avail. Damn.
XKaylaFyrX [2:23 AM]:  And Mark hated to be the one that had to break this up, but Roger was too stubborn for his own good, standing up he offered a hand "C'mon, Rog...let's get you inside so you don't freeze out here, hmm?" Offered a slight smile.
Nancy boy girl [2:27 AM]:  Nooo. Roger looked up at Mark with his most heartbreakingly reluctant stare as he took his hand and stood. He worried at his lower lip and pulled the blanket around himself, allowing his hand to linger a moment too long before he climbed in the window. God, the apartment reeked of stagnant confliction. Roger swore he could almost taste the tension in the room that was leftover. "I'm kinda.. tired." He lied through his teeth. "I uh.. think I'm gonna.. uh.. head to bed.. soon. Yeah." Well, he said he was goin
Nancy boy girl [2:28 AM]:  g to go to be, so that's what he would do. He didn't like lying to Mark.. and if he said he was going to go to bed and then sat up and played guitar instead, that wouldn't feel right to do.
XKaylaFyrX [2:29 AM]:  He nodded some "Alright, Rog...I'll see you in the morning" The poor boys, never willing to admit tothemselves what was going on...isntead just hiding from it all
Nancy boy girl [2:31 AM]:  "Yeah, um.. yeah." Roger headed to his room, the blanket still around him. After he'd closed his door, he noticed it and walked back out, taking it off. "Um, did you want this back?"
XKaylaFyrX [2:32 AM]:  Mark looked up from his seat where he had begun to work on editing again. "Hmm..oh, no, I'm fine, you can have it tonight" Because Mark doubted he'd sleep that night even with his nyquil
Nancy boy girl [2:35 AM]:  "You sure?" Yesss. But he was already wrapping it back around his shoulders, snuggling up to it. "If you need it, just uh.. come in and, you know, take it." He nodded, reaffirming his statement. "G'night, Marky." Roger gave him a fleeting, quickly fading smile over his shoulder on his way back into his room.
XKaylaFyrX [2:37 AM]:  "Night, Rog..." Mark smiled sadly as Roger disappeared and he went to his camera...he had taken to filming himself sort of like a diary and spoke lowly about the day's events and such. Go figure. He's Mark and he talks to a camera.
Nancy boy girl [2:40 AM]:  Roger just gave a sad sigh as he curled up in the fetal position in the corner of his bed under Mark's blanket. He pulled it all the way up to his chin and took a deep breath. It didn't take him long to fall asleep because he was still sort of.. happy from the fire escape and when he was happy, he didn't think about the bad stuff and he slept better. The Markscent drifting into his nose from the blanket helped ease him down too. Why did Mark's blanket seem so much more comfortable and warm than his?
 XKaylaFyrX [2:42 AM]:  Because it's Mark's..and Mark makes everything better ^^ Oh well. Said Cameraman finished narrating to his camera before turning it off, and for once didn't feel the need to drag a razor or such across his skin and simply stumbled to his room to fall asleep in his clothes ontop of his sheets.